As the old saying goes, you cannot help someone who is not willing to help themselves. Okay, that’s great and all, but when someone is toying with suicide, preventing it or at least attempting to, will end up making you crazy in the process. Thus, it helps no one and probably destroys the relationship in the process.
According to Psychology Today, “When someone doesn’t want your help, it can feel like social rejection. And social rejection hurts. The pain of social rejection is similar to the pain of physical injury and can negatively impact your emotional, cognitive, and physical health. You may notice feeling angry, anxious, and sad. You may find yourself having trouble concentrating (while being hyper-focused on the rejection of your help). You may even have trouble sleeping or start feeling sick.
You might even notice some of the following behaviors in yourself:
- Sulking
- Blaming
- Defending yourself
- Shutting down
- Walking away
- Criticizing
- Yelling
- Manipulating
- Threatening
- Talking behind someone’s back
- Self-soothing with food, drugs, alcohol, overwork, sleeping, etc.,”.
In the last few years, a woman has had, what I think, is a psychic break and is hell-bent on destroying herself. She went through intense cancer treatment, and the cancer was eradicated. She suffered some serious side effects from chemotherapy and radiation, which took away her ability to perform the work she had done prior. Many people have tried to help her and give her other opportunities to provide for herself, but she refuses. Instead, she has gone down the self-pity rabbit hole and refuses to do something for herself.
As a result of the negativity and refusal to care for her mental and physical health, she believes the cancer has come back. Yet, every single test for the last two years has said there is no cancer whatsoever.
At this point, most experts would suggest that when dealing with someone who refuses to help themselves, an effective approach would be to try to:
- Listen actively without judgment
- Offer support without forcing solutions
- Gently encourage them to seek professional help
*Note: All content within this article is meant for informational purposes only and is in no way a replacement for professional medical or psychological advice or support. Seek immediate and appropriate care from a healthcare professional should you or a trusted loved one deem it necessary.
How to not let difficult people get to you?
To protect one’s well-being, it is vital to set very clear boundaries. It is imperative at all costs to avoid criticizing or pressuring them. The worst-case scenario would be that you further alienate them and hinder any progress they might have made otherwise.
Obsessing and trying to solve their problems is the fastest way to destroy one’s mental health, thus rendering you ineffective completely in helping a loved one.
Tiny Buddha suggests trying some of the below strategies, “First, check yourself. Do they really need help, or are you pushing some agenda subconsciously or otherwise? Second, let them know you’re there. Third, give them an example to follow. ~Carl B Salazar
People have to come to where they need to be to get their lessons. You can’t help someone who is not willing. But you can love them through it. Send light and love and hold them in your heart space. I had to hit my own bottom and dead end to turn around and climb back up…when I was ready and willing. ~Karen Blake
We can stop judging people, assuming that they are not helping themselves. Perhaps the helplessness is the sign of their being out of their comfort zone. If we want to help, we can do some positive things like: Give some encouragement or discuss the situation with them and let their own intuition discover the best way to help themselves. ~Santosh Nag
Examine your attachment to their choices. Their challenges and choices are their life lessons, not yours. Is your wanting to help them saying something about you that you need to learn? ~Susan McCourt
Let go. They have to help themselves and accept responsibility. ~Viengxay Jimenez
Don’t turn your back on them. Just accept them for who they are, flaws and all, then decide for yourself if it is worth it to you. If it is, patience is a virtue. If not, then keep a hand out but watch out for yourself as well. No need for two people who won’t help themselves. ~April Spears,”.
What are the warning signs of suicide?
Experience shows that these methods may sound easier than they actually are. But, if someone you love dearly has given up or decided that life is just too hard to bear, the emotional pain can be excruciating and, in many cases, actually cause physical pain as a result.
The National Institute of Mental Health reports these as depression or suicide warning signs,
“Talking about:
- Wanting to die
- Great guilt or shame
- Being a burden to others
Feeling:
- Empty, hopeless, trapped, or having no reason to live
- Extremely sad, more anxious, agitated, or full of rage
- Unbearable emotional or physical pain
Changing behavior, such as:
- Making a plan or researching ways to die
- Withdrawing from friends, saying goodbye, giving away important items, or making a will
- Taking dangerous risks such as driving extremely fast
- Displaying extreme mood swings
- Eating or sleeping more or less
- Using drugs or alcohol more often,”.
It’s crucial to understand that, at times, underlying issues such as mental health disorders, trauma, or deeply ingrained habits can be at play, further preventing individuals from accepting help. When encountering such resistance, reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance might be beneficial, both for the person in distress and yourself.
Furthermore, consider joining support groups where others share similar experiences—this can provide valuable insights and emotional support. Practice patience and empathy, as change is often a slow process. Remember, you are entitled to protect your mental wellness while offering love and care to others.
How to deal with people who refuse to help themselves
In conclusion, navigating relationships with individuals who refuse to help themselves, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and a clear understanding of your own boundaries and emotional limits.
While it can be incredibly challenging to watch someone you care about remain stagnant or resist change, it’s important to remember that the journey of self-help often requires personal insight and willingness from the individual involved.