It has been said that parenting is the hardest job you will ever love, and I agree. The moment my sons were born, I fell in love with them and made their little lives my priority. From making tough decisions like when to potty train to whether we send them to a private kindergarten through eighth grade or to put my trust in the public school system from K-12, each decision has occupied my waking moments and at times, caused sleepless nights.
Some things were not difficult to decide, such as when to give age-appropriate responsibilities to my sons. For example, my sons started doing chores that were appropriate to their developmental stage as early as two years old. It was simpler then, things like putting away your toys where they belonged, throwing out your stinky diaper, or taking your sippy cup to the counter were easy tasks that they could accomplish, while giving them a boost in self-esteem.
Hard choices and decisions must be made in the best interest of our children, and, to further complicate things, what is best for one child may not be the optimum choice for the other child. Add a spouse who wants to parent differently, and the job gets even harder.
I used to think my mom had it rough as a single mom with me as an only child who demanded all of her time. Granted, I was certainly a handful, but not having to compromise with my father and only managing one child appeared on the outside, as a simpler way to go. However, after my son’s father and I got divorced and they chose to live with me 100% of the time, I have to say, my job as their mom did get easier when it came to expectations around the house.
I admired how my mom raised me when it came to chores. I did not get paid an allowance as the chores were my contribution to our home, which gave me a sense of ownership, responsibility, and healthy pride in a job well done. She also made it fun by playing music and singing while we worked.
Most importantly, it was also not a surprise as we had a routine where we did spot cleaning on Wednesdays and deep cleaning on Saturday mornings. Also, once my chores were done, I was free to do as I wished (within reason) for the remainder of the day.
Age appropriate chores
Some of the chores I had under the age of ten years old were:
- Dusting
- Cleaning my room
- Making my bed
- Helping with meal prep
- Taking out the garbage
- Put away my clean clothes
As I grew older, I did the following:
- Hand-wash the dishes (we did not have a dishwasher!)
- Vacuum
- Dust
- Take out the garbage
- Clean my room
- Clean the bathroom
At fifteen, I started to do my own laundry, but my mom still bought the detergent, fabric softener, and dryer sheets. Today, I have implemented the same routine with my teenage sons, and because it is the same each week, they know what to expect, and I get little to no grief or complaints. And it all started when they were toddlers.
In fact, according to an NPR (National Public Radio) report on children doing chores and not resenting it, they write “Toddlers are born assistants. Need help sweeping up the kitchen? Rinsing a dish? Or cracking an egg? No worries. Toddlers Inc. will be there on the double.
In one study, 20-month-olds actually stopped playing with a new toy and walked across the room to help an adult pick up something from the floor.
Encourage the messy, incompetent toddler who really wants to do the dishes now, and over time, he’ll turn into the competent 7-year-old who still wants to help.
And we have to start early. As soon as you can:
- Expose kids to chores as much as possible
- Think small tasks, big contributions
- Always aim to work together
- Don’t force it
- Change your mindset about young children,”.
I have found that this method works best because it worked with me and is working so far with my sons. NPR went on to note another point that I agree with as well, “Over time, the ‘help’ will grow in complexity. And the 2-year-old who stirs the pancake mix today could turn into the 6-year-old who makes the whole family breakfast — and feels darn good about it,”.
Over the last year or so, I have given my youngest son the liberty of cooking his own meals (per his request, not my demand). Not only is he in charge of how he eats because he is weight training, but he is also enjoying experimenting and expanding his palate. On this past Mother’s Day, he made me breakfast in bed, and it was delicious!
On that same note, when my oldest son was around ten, he was fascinated with cutting the lawn, and so it became his chore to do. Put it this way, he takes so much pride in making the yard matriculate, even our neighbors have asked me how I got him to do this. Quite simply, I tell them “I let him when he asked”.
It was the same with potty training. I never forced it on my children; instead, I waited for them to ask and be ready. As a result, both sons took less than a weekend to be fully potty trained for both #1 and #2, with not a single accident to follow.
Household chores
Since becoming a single parent, I work out of the home more frequently, so my sons have taken on more responsibilities. Below is a list of household chores, starting with what they began doing as toddlers and progressing to what they can handle today as young men:
- Put away toys
- Feed and fill the water bowl for the dogs
- Put clothes in the laundry basket
- Wipe up spills
- Clear table
- Pull weeds from our flower beds and walkways
- Water flowers
- Sort laundry
- Swiffer floors
- Take out the garbage and recycling
- Help make and pack lunch
- Keep bedroom tidy
- Load and unload dishwasher
- Help put away groceries
- Wipe down the dining table after meals
- Put away own laundry
- Take the dogs for a walk
- Rake, blow, and bag leaves
- Fold laundry
- Do laundry
- Clean kitchen
- Clean bathrooms
- Change sheets
- Cut the grass
- Shovel the snow
How to get your kids to help with chores
In conclusion, starting young, staying consistent, and making chores a part of everyday life help raise capable, confident kids who take pride in contributing to the home.