How do you help someone struggling with addiction? The short answer to this question is you can’t – that is, not until they are ready and willing to make the necessary changes. Here’s a good indication of when someone might be ready:
- They have the gift of desperation.
- They are sick and tired of being sick and tired.
- They need to find their personal bottom, which is different for everyone, but what is the same for all – it’s when they are ready to stop freaking digging and put down the darn shovel.
- They are willing to surrender, throw in the towel, stop fighting their disease alone, and accept help.
- When the pain and fear of losing something in their lives are greater than the pain and fear of losing what they are addicted to, they are ready for change – whether it is alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, or destructive behaviors (i.e., jaywalking, cutting, hair pulling/twisting, etc.).
For some, it may be defined as losing their mind, losing a child or spouse, losing their freedom by facing prison time, losing a job, losing their faith, losing their life, or losing their home.
However, for some people, losing these things does not create enough pain, so they power through and continue to go on to the bitter end. It is said that there are three choices for an addict (and alcohol is a drug, by the way): they either get locked up, covered up or sobered up.
If someone has reached the point of surrender, the best way to help someone struggling with addiction is for them to spend time with another addict who has found recovery. That person will share their story, talk about their journey, and listen to the still-suffering addict without judgment.
When they honestly share their experience, strength, and hope with another suffering addict – sometimes miracles happen. What they share pierces the still-suffering addicts’ walls of delusion and denial in a way only another addict can do. Trust is created, and a bridge to recovery and safety is built. Although, they must make a choice to cross it.
The National Institute on Drug Abuse states that, “Yes, addiction is a treatable disorder. Research on the science of addiction and the treatment of substance use disorders has led to the development of research-based methods that help people to stop using drugs and resume productive lives, also known as being in recovery.
Like treatment for other chronic diseases such as heart disease or asthma, addiction treatment is not a cure, but a way of managing the condition,”.
Addiction/alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease that needs treatment, just like cancer or diabetes. Some very smart doctors who extensively dealt with addiction and alcoholism in the 1930s discovered that it was a disease, not a moral problem.
One part is an allergy of the body and the other part is an obsession of the mind. However, if the sufferer does not activate the allergy, the obsession can be treated effectively if they make the necessary changes. We’ll discuss more about how they can change later in this article.
What is the difference between helping someone and enabling them?
Detach with love; let them go. There are support groups that you can seek out to help you decipher between helping and enabling, such as Alanon, CoDA, Families for Recovery, Nar-Anon Family Groups, Families Anonymous, or Family Services Programs offered by Substance Abuse & Rehab Centers.
*Note: All content within this article is meant for informational purposes only and is in no way a replacement for professional medical or psychological advice or support. Seek immediate and appropriate care from a healthcare professional should you or a trusted loved one deem it necessary.
According to Psych Central, “Enabling isn’t supporting. Enabling behaviors ultimately perpetuate the problem by protecting or safeguarding a person against experiencing the full consequences of their actions. Supporting someone empowers the person to take active steps in their recovery.
…codependent and enabling behaviors in families with substance use disorders can include:
- efforts to protect your loved one from experiencing consequences that could promote growth (e.g., paying outstanding debts)
- keeping secrets about their drug or alcohol use or making excuses for their actions
- blaming other people for your loved one’s challenges
- trying to gain control over things outside your control
- avoiding confrontation or topics surrounding drug and alcohol use
What is supportive behavior?
- listening to them
- offering words of encouragement
- being a resource to them
- avoid trying to solve all of their problems
- not taking on their recovery as your responsibility (you’re not responsible for anyone but yourself),”.
Let’s dive a bit deeper and see if there is anything we can do to help our loved one with an addiction yet avoid enabling.
How to help without enabling?
First things first, you must accept that you have no more power over their addiction than they do – you, too, are powerless. Do not try to rescue them from themselves – it does not work; you only prolong them from finding their bottom.
Second, understand that only a power greater than both of you can restore them to sanity so they can start to recover. Third, only they can turn their lives over to a power greater than they are, whether it is the recovering addict showing them the way, the meetings with other addicts, or their Creator/Supreme Being/the Universe/God.
Fourth, they must write an honest, rigorous personal inventory to find what is working in their life and what isn’t. Fifth, they need to share that with another trusted addict who has done these inventories themselves under the guidance of a recovering addict.
Sixth, they must be willing to let go of what they find in the inventory that does not serve them anymore in recovery. Seventh, ask a power greater than themselves to take these defective behaviors and thinking, then practice the opposite.
Eighth, they become willing to make amends to people they have hurt because of their behavior while they were sick in their addiction. Ninth, along with that trusted recovering addict’s guidance, makes direct amends to those people or institutions wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.
Tenth, continue to take personal inventory, and when they are wrong, promptly admit it, then make an honest effort not to do those things anymore.
Eleventh, seek through prayer and meditation to improve their conscious contact with that power greater than themselves, praying only for knowledge of that power’s will for them and the power to carry that out.
Twelfth, and lastly, after having had a spiritual awakening (changed behavior) as the result of these actions, they must carry what they learned to other still suffering addicts and continue to practice these actions in all of their affairs. That means not just in their recovery groups but at home, out in public spaces, while driving, when at work – literally everywhere and all the time.
How to help someone struggling with addiction
In conclusion, supporting someone struggling with addiction requires empathy, patience, and understanding. By offering consistent support and encouraging professional help, you can make a significant difference in their journey towards recovery and a healthier life.