I recently bought a pop-up camper to take my sons camping as much as possible before they no longer want to go with me. A few weeks ago, I took them Up North Michigan to camp on Lake Michigan at Mears State Park, where the waves are big and the sunsets are breathtaking. We almost didn’t get to go because of the Canadian wildfires claiming Michigan’s skyline, with plumes of smoke creating a hazy appearance that blocked out the sun.
One evening at dusk, I happened to get a great shot of my youngest son without him knowing, as he admired the sunset. I call it “Sunset on Childhood,” which also makes me want to cry, but it is such a perfect representation of his last carefree summer as a kid with no pressing adult responsibilities.
As a parent facing another life cycle transition with my youngest son (my “baby”) beginning his last year of high school as a senior, I find myself feeling very nostalgic and fearful of facing the empty nester stage.
According to Corporate and Family Counseling, “Life cycle transitions are a natural element of life like marriage, childbirth, death, a new job, moving to a new place, separation, retirement, aging, and the list goes on.
The one thing which is constant while going through it all is change, whether it is a positive change like starting a new job or a negative one like losing a job or a loved one. And with change comes good and bad emotions, the byproducts of which include stress, sleep problems, anxiety, frailty, vulnerability, or depression.
A Few Typical Examples of Life Transitions:
- Young Adulthood
- Relocation
- Parenthood
- Marriage
- Mid-life differences
- Delayed Adulthood
- Separation
- Retirement
- Commencing a career
- Serious illness
- Having a child
- Getting married
- Switching jobs
- Mishaps
- Purchasing a house,”.
What is the average age of empty nesters?
Since my ex-husband and I waited quite a while to have our children, I imagine we are probably at the older end of the spectrum. For example, I was thirty-two when my oldest was born; he was thirty-five. I was almost thirty-six when my youngest was born; he was forty. By the time my youngest graduates high school, I will be fifty-four years old!
Psych Central reports the following information regarding empty nesters’ average ages, “Parents and caregivers in the United States are usually between 40 and 60 years old when they begin empty nesting. Life events and stages, such as second marriages, late childbearing, or being grandparent caregivers, can affect when the syndrome starts.
Empty nest syndrome age may also be different in cultures and countries with varying child care arrangements,”.
Not only is my family going through many life cycle transitions with young adulthood with my oldest, empty nesting as my youngest embarks on his senior year, but also a divorce in the last four years with my ex-husband relocating to the other side of Metro Detroit. To say we have been on an emotional roller coaster is putting it lightly.
Empty nester symptoms
Obviously, for me, I will feel a deep sense of grief as I have, in a healthy way, made my job as a mom a top priority. However, I am finding a better balance between work, being a mom, being a wife (now ex-wife), and being a friend as well as a family member. Let’s hear what the experts have to say.
Parents Magazine suggests that, “Not everyone experiences empty nest syndrome the same way. Your partner, or others you know, may seem fine while you’re having a difficult time.
You may also experience other symptoms that at first you might identify as empty nest syndrome.
Restlessness
You may not be able to focus like you used to. For example, you might start to write a work report and your mind starts to wander about how your young adults are doing.
Loneliness
You may have a partner, friends, and co-workers, but you still feel lonely. You might’ve just called your child this morning, but tears well up as you pass by their old room.
Irritability
You snap at your mate over something that’s not important. It’s not about them. It’s about you. You may be frustrated that you feel as if you can’t seem to control anything.
Languishing
You don’t exactly feel bad, but something feels off. You have less energy and less motivation to do the things you used to do. This is called languishing, and it’s sometimes a symptom of empty nest syndrome.
Re-examining roles and relationship
It can be a chance to rediscover yourself apart your kids. You can explore interests and connect with people — activities you may not have been able to do as much or at all while you were rearing your children,”.
An empty nester is a parent who has had children leave the nest – most likely, their adult child has moved out of the childhood home. This empty nester parent no longer has the responsibility of physically, financially, or spiritually caring for them. Well, mostly physically, as we all know they still need us emotionally at times, as well as financially.
As a single mom, I am not looking forward to when my sons eventually leave home and go out on their own. Although I need not worry because my oldest son has, for now, continued to live at home at least for a while as he builds his real estate career and saves enough to buy his own home. I enjoy his company; he is fun to be around and a big help with household to-do lists.
Since my children were little, I always told them they could live at home while going to college if they did not go away, and they could continue to live in their childhood home until they either bought their own home or got married.
On the other hand, my youngest wants to move out as soon as he turns eighteen, which is less than six months away. Oh my heart – how did we get here? This empty nester syndrome is really hitting me in the feels because he just started his senior year. Before I get too worked up, I don’t know what the future holds, and the economy is at an all-time low, so we’ll see what he decides to do.
Life cycle transitions
In conclusion, life cycle transitions can feel overwhelming, but they also invite growth, reflection, and deeper appreciation for the people and moments shaping us.